Party/Spring Equinox

Well, I had a moment of weakness when Kara asked if she could have a big birthday party and I agreed. So we had about 30+ of her closest friends here for a few hours Friday night. We built a little fire pit (not sure if it was legal) for smores, and a place for people to hang out outside.
We hooked up the wii and playstation 3 with Guitar Hero world tour, which everyone enjoyed.

And got a big birthday cake, which Kara helped pay for.

Everyone was well behaved so I didn't have to do too much chaperoning. The next day after cleaning up we set up the new trampoline, Kara's big birthday present.


Spring Equinox had been Friday, but we celebrated it on Saturday

I don't know what flowers these are (I am not a plant person) but they are always the first flowers to bloom and do so right around Spring Equinox.

Here the kids are being goofy as we are setting the table for Spring Equinox dinner.

Sunday I told Tim it was his day, he choose to go to the skate shop and spend his savings on a new skate board, he then wanted to have lunch at Carlos O'Kelly's and hang out at the river skateboarding. This skateboard is much nicer, and faster then his old one, I rode it down the hill once (sitting on it) and it went really fast. It was a really nice, fun, but relaxing day.

Kara is 15!!!

It is hard to believe my little girl is 15. Kara is such a great kid. She has a lot of friends and gets along with almost everyone. She does really well in school and has a long list of careers she is considering for her future, everything from engineer to photographer for National Geographic. Her challenge is that there is too much she wants to do.

She is extremely creative and has always loved to express herself creatively. She often has some sort of artistic project going on. She is also very musical and has been teaching herself piano for years. She played Saxophone in the band until this year, when there were too many other classes she wanted to take. Kara is also extremely strong, she wasn't able to beat me in arm wrestling last time we tried, but I don't want a rematch, cause she could probably kick my butt now.

She is such a fun kid to have around, you can always count on her to do what is right and help out when it is needed.

This next year will be interesting. She will be getting her learner's permit and is taking driver's education in summer school. I also hope to be able to send her to grandpa's for a week or so this summer. I am sure she will continue to work hard in school and be the great kid she has always been. I really have few worries about her future, I don't know what all she will do but I am sure she has a great future ahead of her.

Feeling Like Spring!!!

This week the weather has begun to feel spring like. The kids and I went out to the river to enjoy the nice weather, walking/skateboarding along the river and then playing a little tennis, or at least attempting to play tennis. I also got Kara to take a few picture of me, because I was sick and tired of my facebook picture.

Tim caught some good air!

It was a nice day!

March 6, 1991

Amber would have been 18 years old today. It is hard to believe that it has been 18 years since she transformed me into a mother; making me realize that my own needs, wants and desires will forever come second to those of my children.

Amber was an interesting kid. Near the end of her life there were discussions about the possibility of her being bi-polar. This makes so much sense with the memories I have of her. There were two distinct sides to her, one that was so hard on herself and on those around her. And another side that was so much fun to be around. Although I have memories, bits and pieces of the challenges she faced, most of my memories are of how wonderful she could be. The other night I was remembering when she was about 6, and we were at a McDonald’s with a huge play place. Kara wanted to go down the blue slide, so Amber stepped back and examined the route she needed to take and led Kara up to the blue side. She was often such a great big sister to Kara and Tim, cheering them up when they were upset, taking care of them when I was busy. She also loved to be active. I remember when she would swim all day long, once the water was cold enough that her lips started turning blue but she still refused to get out. She also loved rock climbing; she was a natural at that. She had no fear and was always ready to face a challenge.

It is so difficult to imagine what she would have been like at 18. I suppose in my mind she will forever remain the 13 year old she was when her life ended.

As I remember Amber one of the most vivid memories is one that wasn’t even reality. It was the night after she died. I couldn’t really sleep so I was on the couch in the family room, lying on the couch trying to sleep or at least distract myself from reality. I think I fell asleep, and I dreamt that Amber walked into the family room. She had her big purple hoodie on and was eating a fun dip (not a candy she ate often). She said “What’s up?” in a friendly but with her I’m tough attitude. Ever since that night, whenever I see a fun dip I think of Amber, and it wasn’t even a candy I would have ever associated with her before that dream/vision. I have had a couple of other dreams of her returning to visit me but none as vivid as that one.

The truth is I don’t claim to know what happens when we die. But I really like to think that she is somewhere hanging out with my mom laughing at us for taking life so seriously.

Another truth is that as much as I miss her and wish things could have been different, I have hope that she has found some peace and contentment. And if she has, I would never wish her away from that peace.

I’ll love you forever Amber.